And what if it does?
“You’re not scared it will not work out, you’re scared it will.”
Sometimes someone says something so correct it freezes you in your tracks and forces you to get very very uncomfortable.
That’s what happened to me when T said this as-a-matter-of-factly to me.
I stopped mid-rant and just stared. Under each “obstacle”, “hurdle”, “no” that I was complaining about was a sort of a familiar comfort that I didn’t realize I was getting attached to.
“You know exactly what happens when you fail. You live a life of good enough and ‘comfort’. You’ll settle into things: a life, a career, a relationship, and you’ll tell yourself this is fine. This is good. My peers are doing this same thing. You’re almost wishing it doesn’t work out because it will allow you to very comfortably thrive in the social fabric safety net you know you have.”
It was one of those days when T was not having any non sense and I could not run away. Partially because I would look crazy and partially because there was a lake in front of me. “I guess I never entertained the thought”
Not my photo, but accurate representation of the spot we were having this conversation in.
“Ofcourse you didn’t. You kids are so used to using complaining about something as social currency.” He was in dad mode. But he was so right.
“You’re scared that it WILL work out, because then you have no idea what your life would look like. What does success look like? What does chasing your dreams look like? It sure as hell doesn’t look like the linear cushy thing you kind of are okay with”. This was his 4th cup of Americano and I wondered if sometimes truth bombs would be delivered softer if he just had an iced latte.
I didn’t say anything. Which if you know me, is a rare occasion. T was right. It was actually nerve wracking to think about what I would do if all my dreams actually came true.
What happens when the business you’ve been building starts to gain traction? When effort finally starts to see results, when you can’t sleep not because of the crazy amount of caffeine you had at 7pm (have tried; do not recommend), but because it’s your Eureka moment at 5 am because your associates in the other side of the world finally approved the samples. Or when your social relationships change. Your friends evolve. Some friendships grow deeper, others wither and die. You meet people for the first time and you wonder where have you been my entire life, and friends from childhood turn into complete strangers, and sometimes worse: instagram updates. What happens when you have to introduce yourself at a networking event, and watch the person in front of you go through a glitch wondering if you’re exaggerating. Or when you get sick in the middle of the month because your college habits don’t go well with your adulthood life (but you conveniently blame it on nazar).
Make it stand out
Museum of the Future - probably my favorite building in downtown Dubai. You just have to experience it to ‘get it’.
What happens is you learn about the most important lesson in the world: humility.
Chasing your dreams, or the life you wish for, forces you to give up control. At least that’s what it did for me. Where a business operates on a high risk high reward equation, it lies on the foundation of belief which is fueled by the abyss of uncertainty that you’re always staring into. You will make several financial models, business plans, proposals and yet, you will not be in charge of the outcome of anything. You’ll give your 2000% to the people around you and then get backstabbed by the one you thought was the closest (very Julius Caesar moment that I would not wish on anyone). Marketing, operations, finance, HR, strategy, everything will be going bad and then suddenly everything will work out, and you will be in complete awe of the things that are happening in front of you. You’ll learn that retails prices aren’t carefully curated economic equations, but arbitrary numbers someone sitting behind a mahogany desk came up with. You’ll learn about the strength of weak ties, and the beauty in the kindness of strangers. And over and over again people will surprise you in both good and bad ways and you will wonder…why the hell does no one teach this is business school. (But you don’t really worry too much cuz you consultant friends are making bank on this very reason and you like them ;))
I later learnt that the reason I was scared to actually do the things I wanted to do was the same reason why smart people procrastinate: because you get the be in the cushy comfort of familiarity and you get to lie to and reassure yourself that if you REALLY put in the work, you’ll have aced xyz. Actually learning how to play that instrument, or go snorkeling, or starting that company, or opening your art gallery or coffee shop is the bravest thing you can ever do. It is your commitment to a life that you have no control over, where you won’t get to hide behind excuses and the long list of “oh I can’t … not now…”, but actually be in the real world, uncovering the path as you start moving along the journey.
That afternoon in Kunshan, overlooking the gorgeous lake and city lights, and hearing harsh things from my favorite teacher was instrumental in giving me the courage of just doing things. And that’s why founders, entrepreneurs, or people who take the less conventional path are so admirable. They remind you of the magic that already exists inside of you, and push you to uncover it. And the best part? You can find them anywhere if you just have the eye :)
(I wrote this piece as a thank you note to T. One of the most influential people in my life who chooses to stay anonymous. Thank you T, for seeing in me what I couldn’t see in myself.)